Vulnerability

I’ve been thinking a lot about vulnerability lately.  Recently, in a job training I attended, we watched a TED Talk by Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, on the subject of vulnerability.  At the time, this subject was nowhere near the forefront of my mind, so I found myself caught off-guard by the impact that the content of Dr. Brown’s message was having on me as I watched the video.

Vulnerability is possibly the very LAST thing I am interested in exploring.   There is not a bone in my body that wakes up in the morning and says, “Oh, what a great day to be vulnerable!”  On the contrary, I’m sure I expend inordinate amounts of time and energy, both consciously and unconsciously, on a daily basis finding ways NOT to be vulnerable in my interactions with others and with the world as a whole.  I’m very good at putting up walls to protect myself, and  until now, I’ve never really been interested in laying aside my armor.

The thing about Dr. Brown’s talk that struck the deepest chord with me was her assertion that vulnerability is essential to connection, which, of course, is why we’re here.  Connection is what gives purpose to our lives.  Without connection, life has no meaning.  And in order to truly connect with one another, we have to be willing to be vulnerable.

Great.

Dr. Brown has done some studies on the subject of vulnerability and finds that she can easily divide human beings into two groups – those who have a strong sense of love and belonging, and those who struggle for a sense of love and belonging.   And she believes that the difference between these two groups boils down to their sense of worthiness.   People in the struggling group tend to fear that they are not worthy of connection.  People in the group with a strong sense of love and belonging – she calls them the “whole-hearted” – embody the following traits:

• Courage to be imperfect
• Compassion to be kind to themselves and others
• Connection as a result of authenticity
• Willingness to let go of who they think they should be to be who they are
• Willingness to embrace vulnerability
• A belief that what makes me vulnerable makes me beautiful
• An understanding that vulnerability is essential to connection

Dr. Brown asserts that vulnerability is the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, and of love.

Great.

I recognize, now that I’ve listened to this talk, that in my efforts to numb my sense of vulnerability, I also effectively numb my experience of joy, of gratitude, and of happiness because, as Dr. Brown says, we can’t selectively numb emotion.  If we numb the bad, we also numb the good. 

I’m not entirely sure what I plan to do with this new information.  For now, I’m just sitting with it and allowing myself to become aware of my sense of vulnerability and my normal patterns of behavior to avoid feeling vulnerable.   If you’re interested in listening to Dr. Brown’s TED Talk and diving in to the subject of vulnerability yourself, you can find the talk on her website: http://brenebrown.com. 

~REBECCA