Faith

Today is Day 248.  In five days, I will be attending my 25^th high school reunion.  Sometime during the course of the last year, I had the brilliant (smell sarcasm?) idea to volunteer to coordinate the reunion.   So I gathered a small team and stepped up to lead the charge.

Fast-forward to last Monday.

The venue had been booked for quite some time.   We had guaranteed the caterer that we would have at least 40 people in attendance.  We had set the menu.    We had been talking up the event on Facebook for weeks and weeks.  And now it was three days past the RSVP deadline, and only sixteen people had said they were coming.  OMG!  Feeling anxious, I messaged my team – they were as worried as I was.  I got on the phone with the caterer – he informed me that no matter how few people attended the reunion, we would be on the hook for the cost of 40 dinners plus fees, per our contract.  At that point, we had received approximately $1,000 from ticket sales.  I was told that the balance would be around $1,500 no matter what, and I was pretty sure that estimate was low.  Plus, I had put $500 of my own money down as a deposit.  Did I mention that only sixteen people said they were coming?  OMG! 

My team made a plan to use a “full-court press” approach and reached out directly to as many classmates as possible to see if we could increase ticket sales.   In the meantime, I still needed to set up the bank account and deposit the checks I had received.  But as I was lying in bed on Monday night, it occurred to me that setting up an account for this event might not be as simple as just signing on the dotted line.  There were probably some important steps I needed to take before going to the bank . . . very quickly my worry turned into complete and utter panic.

Now mind you, the reunion was not the only thing weighing on my mind.   I’ve also been juggling schedule concerns, family concerns, money concerns, parenting concerns, car concerns, house concerns - you know what I mean.  And having just started a new second job which requires lots of hours of training, my beloved routine has been altered.  I’ve been out-of-sorts, sleep-deprived, and worst of all, I have been neglecting my regular spiritual practice.  (Thank God for First World problems.)

So on this particular Monday night (now early Tuesday morning) I was lying in bed, and all of these worries seemed to be descending on me at once.  I had a huge knot in my stomach.  My head was spinning.  I was thoroughly gripped with anxiety and fear.  When I thought about all of the things that were hanging over my head, I started to cry.  The mental and emotional burden felt so intense that I thought I might actually die right there and right then – lying in my bed, agonizing over the stupid reunion bank account.  Did you ever have a moment like this?

And then a single word popped into my head - faith.  

No matter what is happening in my outer world, I always have faith in my spiritual toolbox.  Faith that God is with me no matter what.  Faith that things have a way of working themselves out.  Faith that everything is happening for a reason.  Faith that I can handle whatever comes my way.  There IS a lot of uncertainty in my life right now – the reunion, the new job, finances, my schedule . . .  everything feels very up-in-the-air.  But there is one thing I can rely on no matter what is happening in the world around me.  And that is faith.  In the wee hours of that Tuesday morning, one little word was like a tiny ray of light piercing the immense darkness I was experiencing.   Things haven’t all magically gotten resolved since then.  I still have a lot on my plate.  But my consciousness shifted ever so slightly in that moment, and these past several few days I’m feeling better equipped to manage the uncertainty. 

No matter what challenges I might be facing, no matter how desperate circumstances might seem,  I always have my faith to hold onto.  The reunion’s going to be fine.  Thanks to the full-court press, people have been coming out of the woodwork to RSVP.  We should have close to 40 people in attendance.   Plus, the high school sent us a check unexpectedly for the balance of our class’ account – just over $500, so I’ll get my deposit back! Things have a way of working themselves out.

Later in the week, when I was describing my harrowing Tuesday morning to Jean, she showed me the Daily Word for that day.  Guess what it was – FAITH.

~Rebecca