A Joy Moment

My first post on Stepping Stones Journal is about joy in the face of death. My dad had a stroke on the day before Thanksgiving last year. Our family all came together over that weekend to interact with him and my mom and each other - various ones of us flying in from New Jersey (me) and Boston, driving in from Colorado and Kansas City.

Dad’s personality and his character were clearly present in his last 2-1/2 weeks in our world. He wanted to go for walks at the Morton Arboretum, go to McDonald’s for his morning coffee and for mom and him to take all of the family to dinner at Adele’s, a favorite family restaurant in Illinois. Dad never recovered his physical strength. One of my sisters, who was sitting by his side, just a few days before he died, heard him say “It’s okay.” She asked him “What’s okay, dad?” He replied “Everything.” When she told me (I had returned to New Jersey at that point), I cried and also was filled with a peaceful joy. I believe dad was modeling for his kids how to let go and accept.

Dad died on December 15^th. I know his soul is happy, healthy and moving on and I feel fine about that but I mourn his presence here. From time to time I fall into the “shoulds.” He should be with mom; he should be going to dinner and plays and concerts with mom; he should be answering the phone when I call their house. The “shoulds“ just make me angry and then sad and then, thank God, Unity principles kick in. Dad’s fine, mom's fine, I'm fine. All is in divine order.

I was pretty happy to experience this joy moment about my dad. I had been in a real low for a couple months so feeling joy felt GREAT! At the end of those two months I went into our spare bedroom one morning. There hanging on a bed post was dad’s black corduroy work shirt. I’m a work shirt type of woman and black is one of my colors. Dad wore that shirt alot during my visits to Illinois. I wanted something of dad’s. Mom said to go ahead and take it so I wore it on the plane coming home to New Jersey after our family had a celebration of his life in Illinois back in January.

I hung it on that post back then. Over time I hung a blue work shirt on top of it. One day I wore that blue work shirt and dad’s shirt re-appeared. Noticing it first thing that morning … well it brought a big smile to my face. I thought: that’s going to stay there for a year. Actually it may or may not, but I’m content with the thought.

~ JEAN