Rebooting Myself

I'm going to Tucson, Arizona, tomorrow with my sister to do some bird watching and hiking. I also realized today that I'm going to use those 10 days away to reboot myself - about attitude, eating and outlook on life.

I committed several weeks ago to being unconditionally happy - no matter what. And mostly I am but life happens and it was so helpful to read today's Daily Word message on Divine Order:

Unity Minister and author Eric Butterworth shared the following thought: "Things may happen around you, and things may happen to you, but the only things that matter are the things that happen in you."

Somewhere else I read (don't remember where but probably sometime around Easter or Christmas) that every day is an opportunity to be reborn, to start over - a rebirth. So off to Arizona I go - looking very forward to rebooting myself. See you all in April.

With much love.

~ JEAN

In The Silence

When I was young, my parents apparently quickly identified that I needed alone time. I was the second of five children, the oldest girl. My two brothers shared one large bedroom and we three sisters shared the other large bedroom. My parents had theirs – and there was a small fourth bedroom. I don’t remember what it was used for.

Then the unexpected happened, by me anyway. My parents gave me the fourth bedroom. To make the experience even more special, they let me pick out a new bedspread and curtains and the wall color to match. I chose a yellow and white striped spread with some orange and forest green accents. They had a chair I liked to read in re-covered in forest green to match. I was thrilled.

Whenever I fell into a bad mood, they sent me to my room to read not really as a punishment but because, they said, when I re-emerged I was my usually sunny personality.

All this is a lead up to show how much the Daily Word for February 19 means to me: In the Silence. Back when I was a girl, I had no clue about being in the silence, about being one with Holy Spirit, about affirmative prayer or about Unity principles. My parents, though, knew I needed silence. From the meditation:

Mother Teresa once said: “God is the friend of silence.” I feel my oneness with Spirit when I choose to spend time in the Silence. As I do this regularly, I experience an unmistakable sense of peace. I find clarity in all that I do. I forgive more easily. I open myself to new and profound inspiration.

For a short time after I moved out of my family’s home I shared an apartment with one of my sisters. Soon I was able to purchase my beloved little yellow house in my home town in a suburb of Illinois. I loved living alone. I didn’t care a whole lot about decorating my house but I did create a quiet, comfortable haven for myself to come home to either after school, after work or after being out socializing with friends. My little house on Morgan Ave. was my private space where I could be in the silence whenever I wanted.

Then in 2002 I fell in love, got married and moved to New Jersey. All of a sudden, I was sharing a home with another person. It took me awhile to learn how to create my own space, privacy and silence while living with someone. I made over a room upstairs into a sitting room for myself. I bought a couple book shelves where I keep many of my spiritual books. I have a comfortable chair by one of the windows where I can look out over our field where our three alpacas live. Most importantly, I can sit there in the silence, I can journal in that chair when I’m sorting something out.

Continuing the mediation:

I live, however, in a world that is not completely quiet. In order to find silence in the midst of the everyday clamor of life, I take a moment to close my eyes and find an inner quiet and calm. It was there all along. I simply needed to remember. I can draw on this divine serenity at any time. I simply choose to release any concerns or anxiety. 

Be still, and know that I am God! – Psalm 46:10

This is true when I’m home. This is true when I take a moment in my car to breath. This is true when I’m outside walking my dog. Finally, the affirmation:

I immerse myself in the loving, comforting awareness of Spirit.

And that is what I hope for each and every one of us.

~ JEAN

Having Belleville was very good

Last September 15, our dog Belleville, a miniature Schnauzer, went to doggie heaven. The last couple of years of his life, he was being medicated for a heart murmur that got louder and louder. He underwent several ultrasounds. He was on medication for that and had begun to refuse his food or sometimes eat it and then throw it up. We tried adding warm water to make what we hoped would be gravy – that didn’t work. Then we tried adding broth. He liked that though sometimes he kept it down and sometimes not. He was losing weight – getting skinnier and skinnier.

He was still sleeping through the night most nights. Most days he could walk the full half mile morning and afternoon with our other younger dog Gus. He was sweet, affectionate and a joy to have around. He was my soulmate doggie.

I was leaving town the next week; my husband and I were both anxious whether he would still be with us when I returned. Neither of us wanted him to leave us when I was away. We decided on a Monday that we would take him to the vet on Saturday for the shot. Calling to make the appointment brought tears. Our vet is very considerate and schedules this kind of appointment for the last one of the day – in the case of Saturday – at noon.

I spent that entire week sitting with him every opportunity, petting him and loving him. I loved having that time with Belleville. It was important for me to be with him as much as possible. I also took that time to accept that this was the right thing to do and the right time to do it. On Friday night, my husband and I shared tears anticipating having this special dog gone.

When I married my husband in October 2002, I moved to NJ bringing my beloved old Schnauzer named Weaver with me. He died in July 2003. My husband surprised me with Belleville, a 4 month old puppy, for Christmas that year. Fifteen wonderful years later we both knew it was time to say goodbye.

On Saturday, we both had our together time with Belleville. He sat on my lap in the car on the way to the vet. I went in to pay and my husband had some time holding him on his lap. When the vet called us in to the treatment room, we both held Belleville. He lay calmly on his belly and we petted him and told him that we loved him. The vet gave him the shot and then monitored his heartbeat until there wasn’t a heartbeat any more. More tears and extreme sadness.

We wrapped Belleville in a towel from home and brought him back home to bury. I held him like a baby, which he wouldn’t have allowed if he’d been alive. I stroked his head and kissed him. He was warm and soft. It was very therapeutic. We put a square stone over Belleville’s grave. Then we went inside to take our other dog Gus for a walk. As we walked down the driveway, Gus stopped and looked back – we both instantly knew he was looking for Belleville.

In the days following the burial, I realized that I was feeling a great deal of peace around this experience. My anxiety about Belleville’s health lifted. I have only good memories. I also gave and am giving Gus a lot of attention and love because his buddy is missing.

When I saw the Daily Word for February 20: Pet Blessing I realized I would be able to write about our beloved Belleville and about Gus and about our experience.

The meditation reads in part:

“Pets are amazing companions. They are loyal friends and the embodiment of the spirit of love … Pets stand by their human companions – without judgment, filled with unconditional love. I take this moment now to acknowledge the pets in my life both present and past. With my thoughts I bestow a blessing on all pets.
So out of the ground the Lord God formed every animal of the field and every bird of the air. Genesis 2:19”

I add this verse: And God saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. Genesis 1:31

Having Belleville was very good and I am so grateful.

~ JEAN