Me and My Shadow

I’m learning a new strategy for dealing with insecurity.  I discovered it in a FABULOUS book called The Tools, by Phil Stutz and Barry Michels.  The aim of this practice is to overcome insecurity and open the way to authentic self-expression.  When we are connected to “The Force of Self-Expression” (as the authors call it), we speak from our deepest, inner selves.  Our inner selves have their own authority, which is not dependent on the approval of others. But as we grow into adults, we begin to turn away from our inner selves, and we increasingly look to the outside world for validation and approval. 

The key to using this particular tool, which the authors call “Inner Authority,” is being able to identify and form a visual image of your Shadow self.  Your Shadow self is everything you don’t want to be, but fear you are.  It’s the part of yourself that you hide from the world.  It’s similar to your physical shadow because it follows you wherever you go. Psychiatrist Carl Jung was apparently the first to declare that everyone has a Shadow self, no matter how talented, accomplished, or beautiful they might be.  

My Shadow is easy for me to identify.  It’s an image of myself at somewhere between 6 and 8 years old.  My hair is long and disheveled.  I look sad.  I feel unloved and unlovable and completely alone.  I often refer to this as my ragamuffin self, and I’m sure I’ve spent hours and hours and days and days of unconscious energy throughout my life trying to distance myself from this part of me.  

The Inner Authority tool is meant to be used any time you experience performance anxiety – in social situations, during confrontations, when speaking in public, or whenever else you might feel insecure about expressing yourself.  For me, this is basically all the time.  It’s not a stretch for me to say that I even question myself about something as simple as how I fold the laundry.  Imagine my anxiety in social gatherings!  I usually begin to plan my escape long before I’ve even gotten in the door.  

So – here’s how you use the Inner Authority tool in one of these situations:  Imagine you see your Shadow self, standing off to one side, facing you.   Ignore your real audience completely and focus all of your attention on your Shadow.  Generate the feeling of an unbreakable bond between the two of you, yourself and your Shadow.  As a unit, you are fearless.  Once you’ve established this bond, turn confidently along with your Shadow toward your audience and silently command them to listen.  Feel the inner authority that comes when you and your Shadow speak with one voice.  

If you are like me, you are probably thinking that this technique sounds too simplistic and couldn’t possibly work.  But, trust me, I’ve been practicing this for several days now and I’m absolutely amazed at the results.  I guess it makes sense that I need to bring all of myself, including my Shadow, to each interaction in order to meet the encounter with an inner authority.  So I’ve been dragging my ragamuffin self around with me this past week, and I’m actually starting to develop a fondness for her.  I feel more confident when she’s with me. 

I think that this special book, The Tools, came to me at this time to help me on my quest to allow myself to be vulnerable and to connect more authentically with others.    The Inner Authority tool is just one of the very helpful techniques in the book.  I highly recommend it if you’re looking for some new strategies for self-empowerment.  

 Still learning, still growing, still trying to find my way.  That’s where I am in my practice.

~REBECCA