Using My Mind and Voice

My childhood name, given to me by my siblings, was bossy cow (not my favorite nickname). I "made" my younger sisters and brother be my students. My parents even bought a set of four attached school desks and chairs from the "olden days" so they, my "pupils" all had a place to sit. These were the kind of desks where the top lifted up so the students could put their books, papers and writing utensils inside.

I wanted to be a teacher in the worst way when I was young. Circumstances happened when I was in my early 20s and I never did pursue that dream. Later I realized that it was okay. I wasn't really cut out to be a teacher and I only recently realized that I liked marking papers with a red pen when the answers were wrong - that was the attraction - the red pen!!

I was raised to think for myself, to speak my mind, to be independent, to be in charge. I shared what I was thinking and feeling with my parents. When I worried about a second exchange student coming to live with my "family" in Chile, I wrote a long heart-felt letter to my parents telling them my worries.

In college, when I intended to travel to Washington DC for an anti-war concert I told my parents while others kept it a secret from their parents. After two years in college when I didn't have a clue what to major in, I told my parents I needed to quit college until I figured it out. It didn't occur to me not to tell them. That means to me that they were open to hearing what I had to say.

I haven't changed in that, now. I continue to speak my mind. I try always to do so with sensitivity and with diplomacy. Nevertheless, I have inadvertently stepped on some one else's toes. I am fairly sensitive so I usually know when I might have offended this person or that one so I check in with them. I apologize.

Then I do some soul searching - what did I do to irritate this person or that one? I check to see if the offense is about me or about the other person. When I know it is about the other person, I realize that sometimes my speaking up and speaking out is intimidating to others. I know other people squelch what they think and feel. I can do that but try not to. Look at the ability for May: power to speak our truth.

I don't want to make myself sick because I push down my thoughts and feelings because they might hurt someone else's feelings. And so I give myself permission to speak my mind. Here's the Bible verse that spoke to me many years ago - It told me God loves my mind and expects me to use it.

Mark 12:30 - And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this [is] the first commandment.

In fact Matthew, Mark and Luke all included variations of this commandment. So my message to you is to speak up and speak out - with kindness and love - but speak up. It is good for your health and you will only get what you want and need if you tell others.

~ JEAN