Not Letting Doubt Stop Me

The most profound experience for me during Lent this year was the slip of paper I drew from Rev. Carmela's basket in mid-February. My slip of paper said:

"Doubt: Believe God has a plan for you that is beyond anything you could imagine. The future is brighter than you could ever realize."

I've been studying about Fear and this reminder about Doubt was perfect both in content and in timing for me. I keep a copy by my desk at work and in front of my keyboard in my office at home. Every time I read it, I say to myself; "Oh yea! Don't let doubt get in the way of you doing this or that!"

Here's one example: I had an opportunity to go visit my sister who was babysitting her grandson who had a liver transplant at age 6 months. Now he's a year and 4 months old, in the 30th percentile of weight and he has about 10 teeth. The only time I had seen him in person he was in a hospital bed and couldn't be picked up. The one "hurdle" for me was to figure out how to take public transportation "all the way" to Brooklyn and back home.

I said to myself (after looking at my reminder on Doubt): "I can do this." I had handwritten directions with the right subways to take. On Wednesday,  April 19, my husband took me to the bus in Clinton. An hour and a half later I was walking up the steps to Stanley's apartment. My sister Nancy and I had about three hours together with Stanley before I retraced my steps and another hour and a half my husband was picking me up at the bus stop. Everything went smoothly and even faster than I expected.

I think about doubt stopping me from having that day and I am so grateful I didn't let it.

At the end of Lent, on Easter Sunday, I chose this affirmation:

"My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth." Psalm 121:2

As I studied with Rebecca's class on "Even Mystics Have Bills to Pay" by Jim Rosemergy, I resolved and am willing to know in my highest soul-self that God is my Source and Consciousness of God is my Supply. So my affirmation is just a reminder of that resolve.

I began working the Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up hints again this week. My office continues to need my attention. At the same time, I am dealing with a couple minor health issues with as much calmness as I can muster. I just continue to not let doubt stop me and to know that God is my Source and my consciousness of God is my supply.

I'm so grateful ...

~ JEAN

Vacation Envy

This week is Spring Break week for the schools near my home, and for the past several days I have been looking at pictures on Facebook of my neighbors and friends and their families in warm, sunny places like Florida, Costa Rica, Turks and Caicos, and Mexico.  Today, as I was taking my morning walk and thinking about how envious I am of those who are traveling this week, I realized that I actually had a gnawing, awful feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I was physically uncomfortable thinking about how much I longed to be resting on a beach or frolicking in the rain forest like the people in the photos.

I just finished facilitating a 6-week book discussion course on Even Mystics Have Bills to Pay by Rev. Jim Rosemergy, a longtime Unity minister who is currently pastoring a church in Fort Myers, Florida. Rev. Rosemergy is a mystic at heart, which means the underlying theme in all of his teachings is that rather than seek material things or particular circumstances in our lives, we should put aside our earthly needs and turn our attention to seeking God.  By trusting that an awareness of God's presence is enough and by cultivating such an awareness, he says, we will find that all of our earthly needs are met.  With these teachings fresh in my mind as I walked along the edge of the pond near my house, I asked myself if God could be enough to satisfy my longing.

It's funny to watch where my mind goes when I am attempting to alleviate my own discomfort.  My initial thought was that I wasn't willing to let go of my desire to be traveling.  I didn't think that a consciousness of God could be sufficient to quell my craving.  This, along with a nagging fear that I might never have the means to travel the way I'd like to, made me feel even worse than my initial feeling of petty jealousy over the Facebook photos.

Thankfully, my next thought was to ask myself, "What is it that this type of travel represents for me?  What am I really yearning for here?"  My answer to that question was simple: I am yearning for some time to rest; I am yearning for a change of scenery; I am yearning to experience something new; I am yearning to have fun with my family.  Once I had distilled my hunger down to these basic terms, I asked myself again - could God be enough to satisfy my longing? And this time my answer was "yes."  I decided I could trust that in seeking God and God alone, my longing for rest and adventure and fun might be satisfied.  It might not come to me in the form of a vacation to Costa Rica, but I am willing to let go of my earthly desire and seek God and see what happens.

~REBECCA

Impermanence

One idea that is becoming clearer in my mind as I get older is the idea of impermanence.  The nature of life is that things are always changing.  It was the Greek philosopher Heraclitus who said, “We step and do not step in the same river twice.”  I remember reading this quote in high school and being in awe of its cleverness.  “Of course,” I thought - because the water in a river is always moving, when you step into a river the second time it is not the same water that you touched when you stepped in the first time.  So true.  Like the water in a river, life is always moving and changing. 

 

It wasn’t until recently, though, that my understanding of the idea of impermanence began to have a positive impact on my experience.  Eric Butterworth in his book In the Flow of Life says, “life comes to pass.”  At first glance, one might interpret that to mean that life happens or life transpires.  But upon closer inspection, it becomes clear that what Butterworth is driving at is that life comes for the purpose of passing.  In other words, in life, situations and circumstances come and go, and things don’t stay the same, and this is exactly how life is meant to be.   The sooner we get on board with this idea, the easier it becomes to get into the flow of life.

In her book When Things Fall Apart author Pema Chodron makes the case that the majority of suffering for human beings is caused by their tendency to be constantly striving to get “solid ground” under their feet, when in truth in life there is no such thing.  The ground is always shifting and changing.  In Buddhism, impermanence (or anicca) is recognized as one of the three characteristics of existence. The Buddha taught that because no physical or mental object is permanent, desires for or attachments to either causes suffering

I find lately that as I go through my days, this idea of impermanence is really beginning to sink in.  While I don’t enjoy the idea that my loved ones will not always be with me or that the happy circumstances of my life are only temporary, I do notice that accepting this truth brings a suprising sense of peace and calm.  I also notice that I get lots of comfort from understanding that many of the negative circumstances of my life will eventually pass and that I don’t have to get too wrapped up in them or give them too much attention.

When I look around my house and I see shoes and clothes and books and my children’s other belongings strewn from one end of my living space to the other, it’s easier for me to relax in the face of the mess and remember that there will soon come a day when my children are no longer living in my house and that this particular mess is only temporary and I can focus more of my attention of enjoying my children while they are still living in my home.  

When I am feeling stressed about finances and I find myself wanting to focus too heavily on the struggle to make ends meet, I can remind myself that this too shall pass and then it becomes easier to relax and enjoy the things that I have rather than agonize over the things that I don’t.

As a person who craves routine and has always tried desperately to bring order and regimen to her life, I would think that this idea of impermanence would bring tremendous discomfort, but instead I am finding as I get older that embracing the idea of impermanence brings joy and a sense of freedom that I have never known in all of my years of trying to keep things under my control.

~REBECCA

Belly Breathing

I just completed a five week study which Rebecca facilitated of Thich Nhat Hanh's book Fear. Essential Wisdom for Getting Through the Storm. It was terrific and I recommend reading the book.

Here are two "practices" that have

been very helpful for me. You all may already know about deep breathing to calm yourself. I did too. TNH has a section on what he calls Belly Breathing. As you know, I've been dealing with fear lately. I've found belly breathing more successful than I ever expected at calming my fears - whether I'm in traffic, waiting in line or at odds with a dear friend.

The other internal message I have found extremely helpful from the book is this acknowledgement: I am fine right now. No matter what's happened in the past or what might happen in the future, I'm fine right now. And I also know that I will be fine no matter what.

As you probably can guess, there are quite a few more practices in this wonderful little book on Fear. But I wanted to share these two because they worked immediately for me.

So the next time you're stressed, give yourself 10-20 minutes, belly breathe and know "you are fine right now."

~ JEAN

Power of the Year

On a recent Sunday we showed the movie: The Sound of Unity: The Twelve Powers. Each of us was encouraged to wear the color of our chosen power. Ever since I read the meditation on Imagination in the Advent booklet, Imagination has been the power I intend to concentrate on in 2017. So on that Sunday I wore the sweater pictured here. Only after I put it on did I realize that the sleeves deepened the meaning of the 12 powers in my life for 2017.

The blue in the sweater could be Imagination and Faith - I'm open to that. The light green in the sleeves is Strength; the gray (silver) is Will; the purple is Power; and the brown is Release. I'm open to all of those too.

From the Advent booklet:

"Imagination: Today I pause to imagine the life I AM led to live for myself, and for the world. I know this vision is mine to achieve. I blend my Imagination with Faith and Love, and I express the Power to create new possibilities."

"Strength: I AM One with infinite Strength. I express that strength with love and compassion as I move through a day of creative opportunities."

"Will: I AM One with the Will that achieves its purpose through me. Free of all reluctance and resistance, I joyfully undertake the work that is mine to do."

"Release: I AM always in the flow of infinite spiritual energy. All that I need today flows to me now. All that no longer serves my spiritual purpose flows easily away."

All of these meditations guide me and encourage me to do what is mine to day each day - to make each day count and, ultimately, to make this year an amazing, growing experience.

Coincidentally - whoops, there are no coincidences - Unity's 2017 Theme is "Unleash Your Divine Potential."

I hope the same for all of us.

~ JEAN

Christmas Morning Imagined

Christmas morning a 13-year-old girl somewhere in Hunterdon County opened her Christmas gifts. Her eyes widened with pleasure when she saw a collection of makeup and a glittery outfit of tights and a top – two items on her wish list. Her younger brother, a 3-year-old boy, opened a Monster Machine truck. I imagine them saying “Just what I wanted!” with huge smiles on their faces. At the same time, in another household, a 6-year-old girl unwrapped a beautiful doll who looked a lot like her. And in yet another household, a young mother watched with delight as her one-year-old son opened a Mickey Mouse (who he loves) toy and her 2-year-old daughter opened a Dory fleece blanket.

I imagine all the parents of all the children in the three families we at Unity Spiritual Center adopted wrapping these items at night after the kids were asleep. (That’s why we donate unwrapped gifts and wrapping paper.) The next morning colorful wrapped presents appeared under their family Christmas trees.

I wasn’t there to actually see these sights, yet I believe that’s what happened this Christmas.

 * * * * * * * * * * *

A recent Daily Word was “Giving.” The affirmation was:

Through giving, I receive.

One of the favorite parts of my job at Unity is to contribute to our quarterly service projects. This year’s Giving Tree fell at a time when I was going to be out of town visiting my mom in Illinois. We only had one week to make this project happen this year.

I’ve always known that I don’t do the Giving Tree by myself. This year is living proof of that. I was able to type up the gift requests before I left. Rebecca, my dear co-worker, then stepped in. She and her daughter Ryli made the gift tags; Rebecca created the display just outside of our Fellowship kitchen on Sunday, December 4.

The gifts for “our” three families were due back on the following Sunday, December 11, so we could comply with  the United Way of Hunterdon County Helping Hands program’s request that all gifts be delivered to them in Flemington on Monday, December 12.

Then our wonderful, generous Unity family made it work. I returned from a great week with my mom to learn that all 29 tags had been taken, except one - for me. Gailann Bruen and I organized all the donated gifts into three family bags after the December 11 Sunday service. Driving those bags to Flemington to the United Way office gave me great pleasure.

I don’t know the names of everyone who gave gifts. It’s not important that I do. What is important for me, and for all of us, is to believe in those Christmas scenes above – we helped make them happen - and to believe that when we all pitch in, when we all give, a wonderful thing happens: we receive far more than we give.

Through giving, I receive.

And I am grateful.

~ JEAN

Chalkboard Wall

Recently, my daughter Ryli and I painted a 4-foot X 6-foot chalkboard square on one of the walls in our dining room.  We were getting tired of staring at the big, blank expanse of green nothingness and so, on a shoestring budget, decided to make do with the chalkboard paint we had purchased several months earlier to fill the space. 

This chalkboard wall has turned into quite the creative palette for our family.  Ryli – being the most

arts-and-craftsy of the group - designed the first couple of boards, and at Christmas time we turned the space into a giant Advent calendar.  My favorite board so far, though, is the 2017 goals and intentions board we created for the New Year.  Each family member took the time to think of several intentions that he or she has for 2017, and in no time we had filled the board with a beautiful, colorful collage of words and phrases that best represent what is most important to our family.

Looking at the board, I can see each family member’s personality coming through in the lines of chalk on the black.  Ryli’s intentions revolve around her physical space and a sense of connection: stay organized, host more events, read, take up a new hobby, host our second annual backyard concert.  Evan’s intentions revolve around his physical health and academic achievement: gain 15 pounds, eat healthier, start yoga, get all A’s and B’s in Physics.  He also contributed a couple of new family adventures to the list: go to Knoebel's, tube down the Delaware.  The one intention Avery wrote down reflects his passion for the arts combined with his current feeling of overwhelm at the prospect of graduating high school and contemplating what’s next: go to college or start performing – it almost feels as if it should be read as a question. Dave’s intentions reflect his love of nature and music: gig more, go on seven backpacking trips.  And my intentions reflect my ongoing aim to slow down and be more mindful:  hydrate, be present, play more, less screen time.

Seeing the desires of my loved ones so clearly expressed all in one place fills my heart and makes me wish that I could hold on to this moment in time when we are still all together under one roof.  When it's time to change the board, we will capture all of our goals on a piece of paper to be posted on the refrigerator where we will see them each day and can keep them in mind as the year unfolds.  
~Rebecca