Compassionate Communication

What I learned last night about Non-Violent Communication (NVC):

1. I learned that everyone deserves NVC or compassionate communication - whether that person is someone I love best in the world or a total stranger. We have all heard of people who take their loved ones for granted and are especially kind to strangers. We have also all heard of people who are especially kind to their loved ones, family, friends and coworkers and who are completely indifferent about how they treat strangers both locally and globally. We talk cordially to friends on the phone and talk rudely and slam the phone down on telemarketers. So I repeat - for us all: EVERYONE deserves Compassionate Communication.

2. I also learned there are 1001 or more strategies for communicating compassionately. How I do it will most likely be totally different than you do. Neither of us is wrong. The key is to observe what's happening, acknowledge what I feel, recognize my needs as well as the other person's and make a request based on that. This is simplistic at this point but I'm still learning.

I highly recommend reading Marshall Rosenberg's book Non-Violent Communication. It's easy to read, though not necessarily easy to do and you will, as I have already (only half way through), learn a lot about communicating compassionately with the people in your world.

Thank you Laura Kinney for facilitating our group.

~ JEAN

I am Comforted

Last Friday’s Daily Word was Comfort. This is part of the meditation:

I feel such deep loss when a loved one passes … I may struggle with deciding how to fill the empty void left behind. Healing takes time and love. I am fortified by my inner strength. I can begin a new journey in my life without letting go of sweet memories. I keep each blessing I have received tucked away in my heart and bring it out whenever my spirit needs a lift. I am comforted and at peace.

Two months ago we became home to a lost homing pigeon. We attempted unsuccessfully to find its original owner and in the meantime named him Homer – until, that is, she laid an egg – when we renamed her Pidge. We bought pigeon food, an outdoor house and began to get attached to her. She spent many nights on our roof. We would hear her fly down onto our porch and that was our signal to feed her. We worried about her safety and, it turns out, our worry was justified: on Wednesday (the 28th) a sharp-shinned hawk swooped in and caught her, killing her instantly. Nooooooooo! But it was so. We miss her but we are able to appreciate our two months with her and learned a lot about caring for homing pigeons in that time.

Three years and eight months ago we adopted a parakeet named Jojo whose family had been transferred back to their home in Germany. They couldn’t take him with them for various reasons. We kept him in our breakfast room and greeted him every morning when we fed our dog and him and Pidge too, while she was with us.

Jojo was sweet but did not tolerate a lot of handling. We did find out he loved Romaine lettuce, cashews, celery leaves, showers in our kitchen sink and to fly around the room a couple time. He also loved playing with the ping pong ball my husband hung in his cage, ringing the small bell hanging in his cage and talking to himself in his mirror.

Over the last week or so Jojo was acting sick. We tried to figure out what we could do to make him better, to no avail. On Friday morning (the 30th) I picked him up and was surprised how thin he was under his fluffed up feathers – he was breathing with difficulty and too weak to perch. I held him, stroking his head and back (something he wouldn’t have allowed if he was well) and kissing his head until he took his last breath.

We now have two "empty voids" now. But we also have great memories of both Jojo and Pidge.

There are no coincidences: that Daily Word on Friday was meant just for me. I am sad and I am grateful for the reminder of my inner strength, that these two sweet birds were blessings in my life and we will always have our memories (and pictures).

And so it is.

~ JEAN

More About When Nothing Makes Sense

I wrote last week about not judging when nothing makes sense. Just try to be my best self in the world.

I forgot to add this: When nothing makes sense, I still believe inside that all is in divine order. All is happening for my good even if I don't necessarily understand the why's. This was confirmed for me in Tuesday's Daily Word: Gratitude.

Today I embrace all things with an attitude of gratitude. My life might be a mix of what I call good or bad, but I choose to believe it is all happening for me, with each experience benefiting me in some way. Even if I am not able to see my good or growth in this moment, I trust all will be revealed in time. 

For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected, provided it is received with thanksgiving. - 1 Timothy 4:4

An attitude of gratitude and believing "it is all happening for me" is what I hold onto these days.

Thank you, God.

~ JEAN

When Nothing is Making Sense

I can't remember exactly what day last week I finally hit bottom - by that I mean when I finally accepted that nothing was making sense in my life and if nothing makes sense, then that was my signal to stop judging.

My most loved ones didn't make sense. I know that each individual has his or her own "agenda" or perspective (as do I) and, at least in my case, the choices made by people I love don't make sense to me. That's when the judge in me rears its ugly head and peace is gone.

I volunteer for several different nonprofit organizations. I watch individuals and boards make decisions that don't make sense to me. I argue in my head "Why'd they do this or that?" My judge kicks in and peace is gone.

Our world doesn't make sense to me - whether it's guns, politics, climate, wealth and no wealth, honesty or dishonesty. Why is this world like that? My judge kicks in and peace is gone.

Hitting bottom at first was tear inducing. I'm totally out of control. I'm helpless. Nothing makes sense. What am I going to do? I thank God that I finally got to that question: What am I going to do? Turning within, I asked "What am I going to do?" My answer is that I can't control anything. If something doesn't make sense then I obviously don't have enough information and I can't judge it, can I? And so I let go. I now tell myself multiple times a day: "Don't judge!"

Here are my Daily Word take aways from the last few weeks:

• God is not separate from me but closer than breathing... (Comfort)
• Wholeness is my true nature.
• I do not judge past behaviors or future outcomes. (Pray for Others)
• Strength is part of my divine makeup.

Yesterday's and today's Daily Words are Fearless:

When I face difficulties, I draw upon inner faith and courage.

and Faith:

I have faith that the very best is unfolding in my life. The truth is that I am within God, and God is within me every step of the way.

Last Friday's Daily Word was Inner Peace:

I experience life from a place of peace.

That is my goal and intention. Stop judging as soon as I notice I'm doing it - talking out loud to myself if necessary. "Don't judge!" That frees me to turn my thoughts toward peace, toward doing what I can do with love. Let it be so.
~ JEAN

Spiritual Principles - A Reminder

These are two of the best spiritual practices that I want to keep in mind every day.

Friday's Daily Word: Let Go, Let God. I am inspired by the words of Meister Eckhart, a 14th-century German monk and philosopher, who said, "Let God be God in you." I know I am never separate from the Infinite, but when I consciously "let God be God" in me, I begin to think and act from my divine nature. I see with eyes of love and compassion. I see good in myself, my affairs and the world. Letting go frees me to express my divine nature.

And

Saturday's Daily Word: Divine Order. I allow events to unfold naturally. Aligning with the order inherent in all things, I affirm: I gratefully recognize the order and harmony of the universe.

I regret to say that too often I stress over life because I forget these two very important principles:
1. I don't have to solve problems, I can turn them over to God and 2. Everything in my life unfolds in divine order. Maybe you're like me and need these same reminders.

With love,

~ JEAN

Setting Intentions

Yesterday's Daily Word was Intention. It was timely since we just finished an outline of Edwene Gaines' book The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity in which she discusses setting goals (among other things). Here is part of the meditation:

Just as I set clear intentions for my outer life, I need intentions for my inner life. I focus on these spiritual intentions during prayer and meditation, knowing they will change and grow through the years. Yet one intention doesn't change: to be a light of God expressing.

It's sometimes easier for me to set outer life intentions than inner life intentions. Here are three I just wrote:

1. Work on the Photobook for my family
2. Make my office a welcoming space to write in. As you can see from the accompanying photo, I have an affirmation in my office but need to make it true. I have successfully avoided my office for several months now.
3. Set aside time every day to pray and meditate.

There will surely be more over time but I wanted to get started.

Happy setting of intentions, all. With love,

~ JEAN

Moments

Saturday’s Daily Word Moments confirms how I want to live my life.

I take time to live in and appreciate each moment of the day.

Remember the wonderful works. – Psalm 105:5

Last week our family was wondering if all the feral cats we have been feeding outside our barn for over 8 years were all gone (read: dead). We have grown attached to them and hadn't seen any of them for awhile. Over the years we’ve been feeding these cats, we’ve also seen raccoons and red and gray foxes outside the barn, stopping by for cat food. Eating can be a dangerous activity since the cats are in the open and vulnerable.

I went to the barn Friday mid-afternoon, hopeful, and started calling the most “tame” of our cats – Callie. “Breakfast, Callie,” I called. I clapped my hands and shook the food bowl to entice her if she was within hearing range. I was thrilled to see Callie appear at the edge of the woods. She did not come running to me like she usually does. She was watchful, looking all directions and remaining still at the edge. I waited and called, “it’s okay.” After about five minutes she came over to eat. I pulled a stool by her bowl and watched her as she ate. She looked up regularly to scan the woods. I’d never seen her so skittish before.

I quietly sat watching her for several minutes. When I wondered if I was “wasting time,” I immediately realized that no, I wasn’t wasting time, I was enjoying this moment in our lives – Callie’s and mine.

After she ate, she came toward me and began to wind her body between my shoes, rubbing along my legs. I picked her up and held and stoked her for several minutes. She began to purr, stretch and settle in my arms as I continued to pet her. When she wanted to eat some more, I let her down and continued to watch her for a little while. When I closed the barn door, I promised I would see her tomorrow. And I did. She came back on Saturday too. Saturday was a beautiful sunny, 70 degree day. It was a pleasure to sit with her and enjoy the day. She came a little more easily on Saturday and we had more petting moments.

Part of Saturday’s meditation:

Today I set an intention to be fully aware of God’s presence, to notice the small things: the butterflies and birds, the laughter as well as the quiet. Throughout the journey of today, I will focus less on my destination and more on the route that gets me there…My heart of thanks and my openness to the occurrences of the day fill me with a deeper awareness of my oneness with all life.

I wish you many special moments – that you notice the small things each day. With love,

~ JEAN